Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
