i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
