if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
