I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
