Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
