why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had to cum in my sink.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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