Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
