Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
