i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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