I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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