I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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