After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Two words: blizzard sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
