Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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