Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
