he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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