...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
