dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
