he puts the penis in happiness.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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