How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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