so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is Oprah even human
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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