1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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