Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
