Sry I called you an 8
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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