dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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