handjob tips. give me some.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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