babies were throwing up all over the place
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
