The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
