dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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