hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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