he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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