Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
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So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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