ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
