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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she told me i tasted like america
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
