she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
