wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
