Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
