Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
