is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
