There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
