I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
