I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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