His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i now understand why vodka
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
