one two three fourrrrnication!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
