Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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