She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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