Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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