I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
