I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
