I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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