guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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