I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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