No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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