he was CRYING into my vagina
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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