Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
