Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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