he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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