Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
