I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
