3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
