this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
