You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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