My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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