Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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