Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
