moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
