I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
